Check out any time you like but you can never leave!

Someone just judged Bengaluru the most liveable large city in India. Bengalureans stuck in traffic jams, climbing out of potholes and looking for u-turns between flyovers will react to this sudden promotion in the Ease of Living Index 2020 when they get over the shock. Those still at Silk Board Junction since 2002 are unavailable for comment.

This is really two cities for the price of one: old Bangalore and new Bengaluru. One has trees, self-service eateries called Darshini and lakes all over; the other makes its own beer. IT towers stand phallic against the skyline even as cattle slowly cross the road. Once filter kaapi and mallige hoova; today pubs and pizza. City planning hotchpotch, finding a parking spot is a religious experience. With traffic tighter than ragi mudde, it is impossible to reach anywhere on time – you are too early or too late. Chief guests are often seen sitting on the dais a day before the audience arrives; else they are so late they inaugurate the next event.

Bengaluru is the Benjamin Button of metros, rapidly ageing backwards, getting younger and younger, going from pensioners’ paradise to startup wonderland. Extra-marital dating app Gleeden cites the city as its No 1 client in India; all are feeling hot hot hot. The weather here is very Bollywood: hero in a suit, heroine in chiffon and vice versa. Wear sweaters or sarongs all year long, no hot flushes! Music, cricket, writing, theatre are all rocking. An e-retail hub, you can order a dress online and head to Comm Street in it the same day, where only five other women will be wearing the same. A bubbling rice pot with vangi bhath, puliyogare, chitranna, bisi bele bhath, this is also where biryanis come to boogie: Hyderabadi, Dindigul, Ambur, Thalassery, Mopla, Awadhi … No going on a diet. You can eat cucumber kosambari and sip sambar all day, then go for a walk in Indira Nagar, the city’s food court, and get sick on Korean or Caribbean fare.

Bengaluru is a cool dude, too laid back to brag. Its pick-up line of ‘swalpa adjust maadi’, adjust a little, has vacationers pitching their tent here. At once small town and big city, rural and urban, hip and historic, Bengaluru is all baby-butt skin and Botox. Lest you think it a boring zone compared to all the badass pin codes you’ve been to, be warned: you can overdose on masala dosas and die from clogged arteries! And you can’t leave in a hurry – the airport is in another country.



This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.


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