Computer Lingo as a Service

As we have been locked inside, let’s use this precious time for another Online CLaaS. This CLaaS is not a part of the education that has been relegated unessential to remain closed and exams canceled due to the pandemic.  This is a service to help us with Lingo: Tech jargon and terms. For those outside IT Industry it is still relevant to equip yourself with these terms as you will someday be a consumer of IT now that business transformation and online presence is as essential as oxygen levels in your blood.  So introducing our new startup idea ‘CLaaS: Computer Lingo as a Service’. We will provide users AI-driven Online system with 24/7 support to users who want to survive the cruel world of IT Language used everywhere. It is fashionable to use AI-driven in everything and as a zeroth law, you need to use terms even as in our case there is nothing AI-driven.

Since we are talking about IT scape, we are talking across eras of Mainframes, Y2k, Dotcom, J2EE, Web-services, Mobility, Cloud, DevOps, IoT, Big Data and Analytics, Micro-Services, BlockChain and now AI/ML. Now we have thrown in a lot of terms, first rule is not to get overwhelmed by the terms. The idea is to use them left, right, and center even if you may or may not know its meaning in totality.

But before you venture into Technical Lingo you will need to get used to the lingo of office meetings. In the days of agile sprints, you need to attend daily Scrum. Agile development is nothing but a way to keep IT people busy through various meetings and short releases of new changes of software every two weeks adding to the trouble of end-users. Sprint is a kind of race to achieve a level of disturbance in the happy life for users. Scrum is a daily meeting. There is a scrum master as well as a ringmaster. You need to add one of the following terms to each sentence you say: Synergy, Teamwork, Touch base, Raising the Bar, Think outside the box, Best Practices, Paradigm shift, the next time you feel to reach out, Empower,  Keep up the good work,  Gives 110 %,  It is what it is. Yes, it is what it is.

Then if at all you need to sound profound you need to use techno-jargon, OOPs: Lingo (this is real oops not Object-Oriented Programming). Remember the good old days of learning BASIC languages like C.  Good old Fortran (Formula Translation) was used to reserve your train tickets with Indian railways. Cobol was abled in mainframes where we thought a bad date would bring world down on night of Dec 31 1999. Nothing happened but a new language developed after C which was to be baptized as D was named as Java which created Dotcom boom and bust. Those on Microsoft soft side added Visual to Basic and C, C++.   People were also enthralled by crazy reptilian-sounding terms like SAPs and Corbas. The Doras of the world used explorers and navigators to scale the World Wide Web living on cookies and brewing Java.

On the Hardware side, we lived on PC XTs powered by P1, P2, and Pentiums while connecting through dialup modem which created extra-terrestrial music to the nocturnal animals then. Remember these pre Broadband days. Offices had ISDN and Leased lines. Office networks were as complex as only CNN could handle. I remember someone calling Certified Novell Engineer qualification wrongly as CNN. That was the basic inspiration behind CLaaS to help people avoid such embarrassment.

Let’s leave hardware and communications as we Software users (and developers) only deal with operating systems. The mere mortal looking outside Windows –NT/XP/2000 fought with Unix elites who used command prompt to demonstrate tricks of their trades within Kernels (like dogs), telnets, and gophers.  Open-Source added its own devout followers writing their code under public LAMP (Linux, Apache, MySQL, PHP).  As we saw Microsoft with its .Net weapons took on Java Engines to conquer the webspace. People were fed up with these wars and introduced SOAPs (Service Oriented Architecture Protocols) to clean themselves of dependencies.  But still, people needed something different and they looked up to the heavens and then there were Clouds. No one knew what cloud was but everyone talked about Clouds: Computing on demand. Don’t invest in infrastructure, use it as you need. This was so relevant in these days of consumerism. Don’t limit your dreams by available resources. Use credit cards to pay for your dreams. No wonder an eCommerce company like Amazon invested heavily.

Everyone had one cloud, Public, Private, and Hybrid: Google had one, Microsoft painted its own Azure.  Mobile devices became smart and everyone including Moms and their kids learnt coding from Whitehat Junior and started building iOS and Android Apps.

People then saw Sci-fi movies and came to the Internet of Things where devices had intelligence. Analytics and Big Data were buzzword where people believed big companies spent a lot to analyze their inexplicable user habits. People were now amazed by another language named after a reptile: Python.

We believed that Social Media was Orwellian Big Brother controlling our lives. Companies use Search Engine Optimization and Search Engine Marketing to reach out to customers.  Agile processes added its scope to DevOps. It is nothing but efforts done by companies to make developers and operations (maintenance) team work together to avoid the ‘Tu-Tu-Mai-Mai’ blame game. People then started using the read hardware term Blockchain mistaking it to be the same as Bitcoin currency.  Finally, we are now in the realm of Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning. These days everything is equipped with AI/ML algorithms.  These AI algorithms can be frustrating as well sometimes for example when you are trying to get your way across voice recognition telephone support calls unsuccessfully.

Hope you like our small demo of our Computer Lingo as a Service which itself is named on Anything-as a Service model used popularly everywhere now.



Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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