Kamalamma and Lockdowns

Myself Kamalamma from Kunjibettu, Karnataka.

What to tell you – this virus is like one guest who is not taking name of leaving at all. Forget about leaving, it is calling new relatives also to come and stay. From all over the world! Tchah!

Too much confusion is there. One day TV people are saying all Corona cases are coming down. Next day they are saying no, no, cases are double. Virus is like meter box in our Autorickshaw. From house to main road it is showing same basic fare, then after that every time auto is jumping, numbers in meter are also jumping. Like this jumping, jumping we are reaching our destination. Virus cases are also jumping like this day by day.

Now they are saying maybe one more lockdown like situation is coming in India also. Aiyyo…. You please tell me, when previous lockdown got over for new one to start? With full family at home for past one and a half years what we are calling present situation – lock up or what?

Then I am thinking, what I am doing during previous lockdowns? All ladies in our Colony and my WhatsApp groups are full day busy, some are baking banana bread, some are making papads, few others are making TikTok videos. But what about Kamalamma? No experiment in kitchen, no singing and dancing video, I am not even doing any sari challenge or couple challenge also. Tchah! You people will be thinking this Kamalamma is good-for-nothing or what?

If I am to tell the truth, one time I am trying one couple challenge. It seems we have to post picture on Social Media. So I am saying to the Mister let us go outside and click one good photo together. Abbabba!! That man is acting as if he is prisoner and I am taking him to be hanged. When we are finally outside, I am searching for correct light and angle for good picture! Then I am saying to the Mister, let us open cover of water tank and stand on the side like Titanic pose. The Mister is not liking the idea one naya paisa but I am not caring.

We both are standing on the side of tank with hands wide open like two scarecrows. Then we are arguing and fighting so much, I am getting angry and thinking maybe I will push him into water tank. But if I am to do that, I have to act quickly because 101% the Mister is also having same to same thought. Like that our couple challenge is finishing before it is beginning.

Then what to do? I am spending rest of lockdown in front of our side window listening to neighbour. It seems her son is stuck in far off city with no maid or cook, so mother is teaching son how to cook.

So she is sitting in front of video camera here, son is sitting in front of video camera there and Kamalamma is sitting in front of window. First mother is starting nicely, calling her son Raja beta, babu and kandha and all. She is saying, Raja beta, keep kadai on fire, now put oil … oho, not so much…you are planning to swim in oil or what, now put mustard seeds … no kandha, not that one … small black one… aiyyo silly idiot… how much you are putting… okay, now when seeds are saying patta patta, put … ohoho, all seeds are jumping in full kitchen … where that rascal has gone? Then she is getting angry and switching off video camera, phone and all. That is the end of online cookery class.

Then I am thinking her poor kandha is like Abhimanyu in Chakravyuha. He is only knowing how to start cooking; how to finish it only Udupi Lord Krishna is knowing.

But, Kamalamma is understanding one important lesson from lockdown; in all homes same story – Raja Betas and Kandhas are learning full cooking only after marriage, from their wife.

Ask Kamalamma… Abbabba!



Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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