Kamalamma and the Udupi to Manipal Road

Myself Kamalamma from Kunjibettu, Karnataka.

Today while taking newspaper from our doorstep, one small paper is falling from inside it. The Mister is looking at it, then he is waving it in my face. Immediately I am jumping 12 feet backwards. He is saying, oh ho! Nice jump Kamalamma, one Gold medal is guaranteed in next Olympics. 

Aiyyo tchah … who is looking for Gold medal and all? I am simply jumping from whichever strain of virus is sitting on that paper. We people are not wearing mask inside the home!

Anyway, that paper is one pamphlet for some grocery shop. It seems they are doing home delivery for lockdown. I am thinking maybe it is good idea to register for that. Sitting at home we are becoming lazy, now who will change from nightie to dress, search for mask and sanitizer and go out at 7.00 a.m. only to buy 2 kgs rice and one kg dal? If it is coming home well and good!

But after thinking for 2 minutes, I am asking the Mister what is meaning of home delivery. Whether they are bringing our items by walking or on bike? Or in van? And whether van will stop at our front gate? 

Now you people will ask why Kamalamma is asking such types of questions. Why, because some time back I saw one video of milk delivery van at full speed entering straight inside one milk shop on our Manipal road.

Workers inside the shop were quickly jumping sideways and running out. Abbabba … If they are staying one more minute inside, then what is happening?

Guarantee full milk is on them and they are having milk bath and becoming beautiful like Cleopatra. But for that they have to be alive, no? 

That is why I am asking the Mister if, when we are ordering our groceries, the delivery van will stop at the gate or he will crash into the house. Kamalamma has to be prepared to jump like kangaroo! 

Like this, many things are happening on our Udupi to Manipal road. Going on that road and coming back home alive is biggest challenge of our lives. What I am asking is why they are closing that Budh International Circuit in Delhi? Now all adventurous people are thinking maybe race circuit is shifted to our road and all vehicles are going up and down like Formula One race cars. Even Lewis Hamilton will get one big complex seeing our local ace drivers in action. 

From top of Manipal hill all cars, buses, and motorbikes are flying down full speed like low-flying aircraft, without looking left or right.

They do not slow down even when they are near junctions. Simply they are rushing on the road as if ‘rakshasas’ are after them. And what about poor people like us who are walking on side of the road or trying to cross to other side? They are not caring one naya paisa about us. Abbabba!

As if this is not enough, some vehicles are coming from opposite direction. That day I was walking on the far of road, so much that I was almost falling inside gutter.

But one scooter fellow, coming on the wrong side, shouted at me to get out of his way.

I was surprised and asked him why he is coming, when everybody is going; and how we are to understand this confusion.

He said his house is on this side of the road and U-turn is little far so he will goes like this to reach his house. It seems he is putting headlights on so there is no confusion. 

Aiyyo Krishna … what to do with such people? Maybe his headlights are on but his brain is off! I thought that is why our Lord Brahma has four heads. All are needed for our Indian roads. 

Anyway, I thought, if our delivery van crashed straight inside the house, up to our kitchen, then maybe I will ask delivery boys to take out our items and keep them directly on shelf. 

Then the Mister says, what Kamalamma, with one head you are getting such good ideas. Abbabba! 




Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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