When you have been through an abusive NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) relationship – you have been violated and destroyed and can never attempt to feel that so-called elusive feeling of ‘normal’ again. This is where most people get stuck and lose their way and get disheartened with their effort of doing self-work.
This is the confusing part. Know that the exact spot of your struggle, hurt and pain is the place of your change and recovery too. Meaning that the image of normal has shifted and has to shift within you too.
Now, your normal includes a space for the pain that you feel and it is not a normal that has a squeaky-clean slate of no pain. You feel discomfort and are not trying to fight it. This is the ‘new normal’ for you – your new state of being, where you can sense a nagging drone of the pain and you let it merge as white noise in your being. This white noise of pain is a testimony to your inherent purity and goodness. It is proof of your capacity to see the goodness and purity in a disordered and twisted person and even though you paid with your soul (due to this value) – you are connected to a Higher Intelligence that has it all worked out for you. Hang in there.
Unafraid of the Pain
You understand it now. You see how different this relationship was and how difficult the aftermath of it is. You have tried many things and the pain still grips you.
Sometimes it is a drone, at other times it is the loudest, all-pervading sound that permeates every cell. It is fine to be like this.
All this time you fought it to leave you completely – and it never did. Today you see where you need to put your attention: in the complete acceptance of it. The struggle to wipe out the good memories and those where you felt miserably low – all of them bundled together – are the ones you must not fight to remove, rather let them all fade into your background, with your permission. Your preconceived notion of how ‘normal’ looks like has now changed and must include this scab.
When one of my clients realized and applied this in their life (and stopped fighting to be ‘all clear’ of the memories) – they were able to make important breakthroughs and I saw them move ahead to the next stage of their life – with newfound creativity and enthusiasm. They had low days too, which they allowed. The lows did not scare them now – and were part of the landscape far away. Slowly, signs and synchronicities appeared in their life to direct them forward and they worked to be instinctual in their healing and recovery. They said “the hurt is there, but I can manage its decibel level now most times and at other times, when I get snagged on it, I don’t let it strangle me…I can see it without charge now.” This, in my opinion is recovery. This is healing.
It was an important part of you that was there and it is normal to be all over the place. You had no idea of the disorder that rampaged within the other person that broke you or is breaking you now. Your action of fighting to change the situation or change them is not the answer. Know that the NPD person never changes and this will be their modus operandi all throughout their life. Your solution is to decide to change as that is in your control. Shift your idea of what it means to heal. You have a choice and must decide actively to know that there is a new definition of how you will recover.
Your Golden Light
The biggest step for you is to imbibe this new normal. To do this, breathe your Universal Energy into that part of your body that feels like it is storing this hurt and pain. You may store and feel it as a lump in your throat or a pain in your shoulders or lower back or where ever it is that you feel the pain. Breathe in beautiful golden light into this area. Flood golden light into your entire being. Witness this golden light of Consciousness clearing the charge of this hurt in your entire energy field and you filling with your Life Force Energy completely. See that allowing this pain to be, to stay and not fighting with it – is good. “It is there and I know it is and I accept it in me. It is me too. It is there. It has pushed me to my next phase!” as another client who was still in the middle of it said to me. “I see it!”.
There are waves of recovery that have already occurred within you, that often you cannot see – as things are being done behind the scenes for you. Every effort you put in has worked, even if you feel that it has not. It is an intelligent energy and knows where work needs to be done within you – and it does that work for you. Your physical surroundings might not reflect it immediately – but they will. You have to keep the faith and know that things are working out in your favor and all will work out for you.
“As I work with managing the pain and not fighting with it, it gets better,” said a client who had seen a lot of struggle and pushed through the discomfort. “It is not resignation and shutting down. It is rising up from being shackled by it to letting it be, freeing it, accepting its existence and freeing myself in the process” they said.
You Are Amazing
The purity and goodness within you shines in every part of you – especially in the hurt parts – and that is your unique shine. That is you and do not let anything dim it.
I absolutely admire each one of you. You shine through this pain and you should admire yourselves too. Your courage is outstanding and you deserve a standing ovation for your enthusiasm for life. What you do takes courage, it takes blood, sweat and tears and you do it every day, despite everything you have been through. It is this determination that I applaud! Recognize that you are in fact normal the way you are right now. This is your new shine – a freckled shine that radiates from your core and lights up the room. Bring it all and have fun in this moment. Not in another, far-off time.
This is your ‘new-normal’ shine.
This is your time. Shine it brighter than ever!
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
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