Pandemic? What pandemic? Instead of being the alarming epicentre, India is actually an envied island of immunity. Not a place to be shunned with travel bans but hurrahed at medical conferences. Don’t laugh. Just look at the news images. If we were the world’s worst Covid-hit, would there be those hordes massing at election rallies, the faithful doing ditto at Haridwar? Both sets throwing caution and masks to the winds?
To the naked eye, the much-touted ‘surge’ is not of cases, but crowds. They flock to the maidans of West Bengal, which has become the Biblical final battlefield, Armageddon (Amar-geddon?). BJP doubly scoffs at the pandemic in its fused role as Church and State. Its strongmen stepped off the hustings straight on to the steps of Har ki Pauri. Amitji is entitled to a Shahi snan. But a staggering 35 lakh pilgrims also took the holy dip on Monday with nary a care for Covid. Uttarakhand’s new-broom chief minister had added to his other sweeping statements by saying there should be no ‘rok-tok’ in the way of Kumbh. Let us anoint him a super-spreader of faith.
The Supreme Leader has most seamlessly merged Koestler’s The Yogi and the Commissar to morph into the phenomenon of a Secular Brahma. He has the sage’s snowy beard and the statesman’s icy strategy. His unmasked rallies suggest that this Covid-shovid is nothing more than the bogey created by that ‘set of self-appointed custodians of the world’ dismissed by S Jaishankar when two global watchdogs recently demoted our democracy.
So QED. Our wholly-solely Made in Bharat immunity has aced all tests. There isn’t a microbe-sized doubt that mass rituals and rallies are an unbreachable barrier to Covid. Ganga snan washes away infection as surely as sin. As for poll-bol, do you really need proof of how much that can promise? So, here’s my suggestion. Accelerate these two miracle megablockers. Instead of once every 12 years for Kumbh and once in five with elections, make them a continuous process industry. We could even package these for export, and save the grateful world. From atmanirbhar to vishwa-aabhar. Jai Hind.
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Alec Smart said: “Sputnik takes us to a vax-ing moon.”
This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.
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