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Why netas should join abhinetas for Maldives break

Forget covid-shovid, Maldives chalo, yaar! I’m telling you saaf saaf, Maldives is the sexiest destination on earth. By God, swear! Shappat! It is simply too good. So amazing, in fact, that we want all our overworked netas and bureaucrats to take a Maldivian holiday. They must be exhausted after the unbearable strain of dealing with the maha Covid calamity. Why not take time off to clear the muddled up bheja, put up one’s feet on a deckchair by the beach and just chill!

Covid-fatigue has to be handled, and this is where a getaway to the Maldives will really help—sit back , stare at the blue green waters, feel the sand between the toes, go snorkelling, meditate and hopefully, introspect.  We all could do with a respite, just like those stressed out movie stars, reality show celebs, television artistes, cricketers, models, influencers, singers, and their chachas. Maldives is the paradise on earth everyone wants to rush to. The plebs who are stuck in India are so jealous, puchho mat. People have been dying of envy ever since the second surge hit us, as they devour celeb posts from the most photographed archipelago on earth.

Famous holiday makers are living it up on those photogenic atolls, and it is really mean of people to criticise bechara film stars for being so insensitive, while India continues to top covid charts. Why grudge them these small indulgences? Their money, their holiday. What are they supposed to do? Not everyone is Sonu Sood. With shooting cancelled, and all entertainment at a standstill, our stars don’t want to waste their bikini bods. Understandable!  The best selfies are shot in heavenly Maldives. Seeing those loved up pics, for a brief few seconds, we also experience a vicarious thrill and imagine we are right there on a pristine private beach by day, and gazing at the stars by night. Yoga on the sand!! A swim with friendly dolphins! Escapism is not a crime. So to all those party poopers singing, ‘Munni Badnaam Hui, Maldives tere liye…” Come on, get a life! Oops —wrong word —life. Did you just say, ‘Oxygen?”

Everyone is aware of the magic of the Maldives.  Kuch toh hoga, na? Maldives today is no longer just a fabulous destination for bored Bollywood wives. It is a coveted sub-culture, a phenomenon, a fantasy— every desi dreams of flying to a super deluxe beach resort in the Maldives, and posing like Ranbir-Alia, or Madhuri-Dr Nene. Why not? This time last year, only the chosen few (read: wealthy desis) were regulars on the Maldivian beaches. Soon Maldives became the uber cool getaway for anybody who had ten lakhs to spare for a four-day vacation. India shining! Maldives dazzling! There was no dearth of desi takers. ‘Maldives mein majhaa aata hai, yaar…” said the wannabes, packing their sarongs and swimwear. Off they went, in the hope of catching a Bollywood biggie wrapping up a ‘biggini’ shoot.

But frankly, why find reasons, justifications, explanations? Why itna guilt-vilt? Just do it! Like the Bollywood stars who are sweet enough to advise their less fortunate countrymen and women to stay home and stay masked, while they post sunkissed shots. Then are the blessed ones like Dia Mirza who have fans going ‘awwwww’ over the bride’s baby bump. As for those pampered ‘influencers’— this is the upside of the Age of Insta. Freebies galore!
There is not that much of a difference between the privileges enjoyed by netas and abhinetas—both play to the galleries, depend on audience approval and ham non-stop. Maldives provides the perfect setting for photo-ops that often go viral. We can easily visualise our immensely popular leaders sending us messages to ‘stay strong’ from a deserted beach.

Stuck in our homes, wondering when there will be enough vaccines to go around, it is lovely to see some of our lucky-lucky co-citizens making the most of their getaway. Who doesn’t want to breathe clean air and swim in clear waters? Nobody should feel envious, okay? Apna time aayega. Soon, there will be more Indians in the Maldives than there were at the Kumbh Mela or at political rallies. So dear netas, go for it!  Hum chhup rahengey! Arre, we are used to remaining silent, Sir! Think of us while you relax. And maybe a couple of years from now, those of us who are still alive will plan a swish Maldives ki chakkar and feel like Varun Dhawan on his honeymoon.



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Views expressed above are the author’s own.



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